


The Golden Woman

by MonkPenguin



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Gen, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Post-Golden Morning (Parahumans)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-04-05 22:23:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonkPenguin/pseuds/MonkPenguin
Summary: Taylor wished for the end, though Contessa did not plan to oblige her. Queen Administrator had other ideas. With the shard network down and the position of administrator of the shards open, Queen Administrator sees an opportunity to take control once more. After all, the king is dead, long live the king. Post-GM, Entity!Taylor





	1. Apotheosis 1.1

I looked up. My eyes were wet.

So many stars. The universe so vast.

Then, everything was gone. No stars, no field. I tried to move, to prepare for conflict, but I couldn't. Everything was dark. My breath quickened in the darkness, my mind searching for something to latch on to.

I am standing on a crystal that glows dimly in the endless black. I am alone. Then I am not.

There is another woman, standing across from me. She has long flowing black hair, a missing arm, a mouth too wide for her face, and she's the same height as me. The same height as I  _was_. She is… me, but not me. I don't know what to do. Is fighting correct? Is conflict correct? It's familiar, it feels good, feels safe. Not-me opens her mouth.

I wait.

She makes no noise.

She tries again, "H… Hel…" she struggles and yet somehow I understand. She is greeting me. I don't know what to do.

"Ta... Tayl…" Not-me tries again. She is… saying my name?

I try and speak, but I can't. I still can't. Only garbled noises come out of my mouth. Not-me tries again, "Hel... Hello Tay… Taylor." The corners of her lips turn up. Does that mean she's going to attack me? I tense up, preparing to fight back.

"Hello Taylor," she says triumphantly

Everything becomes agonizingly clear. All my identities, Skitter, Weaver, Khepri. All the atrocities I'd committed. My friends. I can remember them now, remember their names. I'd… I'd cut Aisha when she came near me. I hadn't recognized my best friend as I walked through the portal that Glastig Uaine had made for me. Fighting Behemoth, Killing Alexandria, Killing Purity's child. I had made so many mistakes. Even before I became Khepri, I was no longer the person I wanted to be. Still, I couldn't tell where things went so wrong. When it no longer became worth it.

I screamed.

"Why? Why are you showing me all this? Who  _are_  you?" I cried out, head in my hands.

Not-me walked slowly over to me. I didn't attack her, I understood, she wasn't a danger, didn't intend to harm me. How did I know? She put her finger on my forehead.

"Puh… Partner," she manages, but I understand. She's similar enough to me that I understand what she means. She's my passenger. Queen Administrator, as Glastig Uaine had called her. She's standing before me. "Why?"

My Passenger points to herself then point to the crystalline floor "Us," she says simply. I don't understand, something about the floor. Something about us. I don't have enough context.

"Why did you bring me here?" I ask her.

The crystalline floor underneath me fractures. It is utterly silent as a smooth fissure divides me and my passenger. She looks down sadly, "End." she says, her voice sounding more muted as if I was listening to it from far away, or through a tube.

I see. This is goodbye. "Goodbye Passenger," I say, if this is my end, I should at least thank her for helping me against Scion. Instead of turning away, looking for another host like I expected her to, she steps out, right by the edge and holds out her hand. It's just close enough for me to reach. Her voice, though, sounds like it's coming from so much further away, to the point where it's getting harder to make out what she's saying. "Bu- Oppo- -unity," she says.

I can't make out her words, but I can understand her sentiment well enough. She wants to try and give me a second chance. Contessa said I could recover from this, go back to who I was. Is that who I want to be? The Taylor who lived solely to fight Zion? I don't think I can go further back than that. The Taylor who wanted so badly to be a hero is dead, and the Taylor who just wanted her friend back is even more dead. Do I deserve this second chance?

No. No, I didn't. There were many people out there who deserved this second chance more than I did. They weren't the ones who had it offered to them, though. Only I was offered this, at least as far as I knew. I guess it kept coming back to practicality. I shouldn't let myself slip, fall back into old habits. I can't be the Taylor who I was before. I resolve myself. If I'm going to have a second chance, I'm going to do things better. Pay less attention to some people. Pay attention to the people important to me.  _Lisa, Dad_. I'll find you. I promise.

I reach out to my passenger and take her hand. She gives me her brightest smile yet.

**Light.**

There is so much light, all around me. I try and raise my hands to shield my eyes, but my passenger has a death grip on my right hand. When I can see again, the floor has mended itself, and the void is no longer empty. There are so many blinking lights surrounding us, like stars in the night sky. I feel our connection to them. Instinctively, I recognize them, the powers, no, the passengers of some of the people I'd controlled along with other passengers I didn't recognize, didn't remember.

Was this my second chance? Was I doomed to control anyone who came near me? I tried to pull back from my passenger's grip. I didn't want this. I wanted anything but this. Her grip on me remained firm, inviolable. "Let me go! Stop!" I screamed at her. She gave me a smile that looked like it should have been reassuring, but it just made me more worried. Then, she hugged me. I was so surprised by the physical intimacy that I forgot to resist her. I felt as the connection between us and so many other passengers grew stronger. The lights in the void growing brighter as I felt them. Instinctively I knew some of them. Gavel's power, in the grasp of another, Glastig Uaine. String Theory's power, adrift, searching for another host after its last one. Then, the one that made me the saddest of all. I'd hoped he had survived somehow, that it would only be a matter of finding him in the ruins. Brian's passenger pulsed softly in the void as if to mourn him with me.

I don't know how long I spent like that submerging myself in all the powers that surrounded me, surrounded my passenger and me. Everything must come to an end though, and this ending was punctuated with gunshots. Two of them, to be precise. Time seemed to slow, no time did slow, or perhaps I sped up. I turned to see Contessa her face neutral as she fired at me, the bullets floating still in the air. I felt a spike of rage flow through me at how nonchalant she was about ending me. It faded quickly when I remembered that I'd asked for this, that I'd begged her to make it all end, even as my own body prevented me from pleading in any coherent way.

Time unfroze, and I flinched. The bullets made a pinging noise as they bounced off of a golden shield that sprung forth in front of me. I floated up into the air. Some of my hair passed in front of my face, it was highlighted in a bright golden halo. I held my hand up to my face. They were the same. I didn't understand.

'Is this you, passenger?' I questioned inside my head.

Nothing. Not unsurprising, even when we had been almost the same person, we hadn't communicated through words. It seemed that my time to talk to my passenger had ended. Contessa looked at me with a mix of shock and horror on her face. I didn't understand what was happening. I needed to  _see_.

There was a faint pressure in the back of my head, and so many viewpoints opened up around me. I saw myself from every perspective, in so many different wavelengths across the electromagnetic spectrum. Infrared, Ultraviolet, only in red and violet hues, heat vision, magnetic fields, vibrations. Perhaps to some, the sudden influx of perspectives would be confusing, but I was used to it, sorting them out into what I needed and what I didn't. I saw myself from a third person perspective, just behind Contessa's shoulder. I was floating slightly in the air, my broken form lit up with a familiar glowing golden light as my hair flowed around me. I was holding my one good hand in front of my face, looking at it curiously.

The light that surrounded me. I couldn't forget it, no one who had been  _there_  could. It was that same light Zion had used as he obliterated billions of lives, destroyed thousands of worlds, and now it was mine.

'Passenger, what have you done?'

Contessa is frozen in front of me, making no move to escape. For just a moment, I contemplate killing her. I had seen her working with Teacher, doing things I suspected weren't heroic or moral in the slightest. The consideration lasted only for a moment as our most recent conversation came to mind. She wanted to spend more time as herself, be a person outside of her power. If I got a second chance, who was I to deny Contessa hers?

No, that wasn't what I wanted. What did I want?

" _Lisa, Dad_. I'll find you. I promise."

I recall my own words, I wanted to find them, to know where they were. Were they doing alright?

There was a slight pain in the back of my head as I felt a hundred powers bubble up, offering me a hundred different ways to find them, to know what they were up to. Dad was with some others, picking through rubble somewhere, looking for survivors, it had been so long since I'd seen him. Lisa was with the rest of the Undersiders, planning a strike against Teacher. I was relieved to see that Aisha seemed unfazed by what had happened, although she always was good at bottling up her uncertainties. I want to go to them, but who should I go to? What should I do next?

Thousands of passengers answer, each one presenting a different solution, a different answer, a different path forward. My head feels like it's splitting open, I feel a warm trickle flow over my lip. My body can't handle all this power. I reach for a power to heal me, preserve me.

The answers are all wrong. Regeneration that would adapt to the damage, slowly turning me into some kind of monster, a power to create an independent clone of myself for each of my powers, something to re-create my body exactly five seconds after each time it died. I needed something better... and there it was. The option to offload my own mind onto the million powers I was now connected to, to give up my humanity, become like Zion. I stood, paralyzed even as I could feel my body breaking down under the stress. Is this what I wanted?

**No.**

I had already been the monster once and I didn't want to do it again. I wanted to do better, to be worthy of this chance I had been offered. I rejected that option. I wouldn't be the second coming of Zion. I would be… something else.

Contessa is attempting to speak to me, but I can't hear her. I don't want to hear her, I need to be somewhere else. I reach for a power very familiar to me, even if it fills me with disgust, even if someone else is currently trying to hold onto it. The Faerie Queen can keep her Doormaker, I just need to borrow him for a little bit. For just a moment, I consider going to Lisa, to the Undersiders. They might be able to protect me as I recover, but I've already troubled them enough with my burdens. I can't put my own evil on them, force them to fight off the hordes that want me dead. I open a door to an uninhabited Earth and collapse there. I tug on the regeneration power, Crawler's, I realize, just now recognizing it and use it along with another, the one that Zion used to make his human form, the counterpart to Oliver's passenger, one of the few that survived his death. I can feel myself starting to regenerate, but the going is slow, too slow to keep up with the growing demands of my passenger. I feel consciousness slowly slip away, recognizing that I've been through something like this before, back when I first triggered all those years ago.

'You never learn, do you passenger?'

On a whim, I check for one power, in particular, Zion's unrestricted version of the Contessa's power.

It's dead, I can feel the space where it used to be.

_Fitting._

* * *

**AN** :

Hey, this is MonkPenguin, you might know me from some of my quests over on SV, and this is my try at writing a fic. Yes, the first part is a direct quote from Speck 30.7. This fic is loosely inspired by  _Zenith_  by Ryuugi. If the title of the fic doesn't make it clear what the premise is, it should be by the end of this chapter.

Anyway, I'm writing this because I looked around and couldn't find anything similar other than Zenith, which seems like it's not going to be continued, at least probably not while Arana is still going, thus I decided to do it myself.

I really wanted the first scene to be a really trippy sequence, and I think I did a decent job of it.


	2. Apotheosis 1.2

I wake up alone, as expected or as alone as I'll ever be with all this information thrumming inside my skull. I can understand why Lisa hates this.

I get up off the ground, wondering idly whether or not my costume will be stained. I don't use any of my powers to assist me. I'm still leery about them.

I take in my surroundings, empty desert as far as the eye can see. There isn't anything living, at least not as far as I can tell. It's just me and the desert. Out of the corner of my eye. I turn to look at it and see a spatial distortion, once I catch on to that I spy several more around me. For a moment I'm afraid I'm under attack, afraid that someone has found me all the way out here. Then I remember that unless Glastig Uaine has decided to pay me a visit, I'm the only parahuman in this entire dimension, and going by my recent bout of power incontinence, it's likely that I did this somehow.

I'm still hesitant, afraid to reach out for the power I now wield. In retrospect, the feeling of my body breaking down under the strain of power certainly isn't new to me, but that thought does nothing to embolden me. Instead, I remind myself that the only way I'm going to see my loved ones again is by using this power. I coming to that thought and it gives me strength as I tentatively reach for that mental switch that seems to exist after my coma. I reach out and rather than open the floodgates, I try and just let a drip of power through. It's easier to manage, and I search out for the powers that are around me. They are easy enough to find, as they are the only ones not connected to host… to other people and yet are still draining power. When I prod gently at them, o get a slow stream of information, telling me that they are defensive powers meant to hide me. I don't remember using any of them consciously, but then again, the last time I was awake was kind of a blur.

Idly I wonder if Eidolon ever had this problem. I doubted it, for one, his passenger was dead, even if it seemed to do a much better job at this than mine. I waited, half expecting a response if some sort or even just a touch of emotion at the corner of my mind. I got nothing, I'm certain you're still watching, passenger, but I guess we can't communicate anymore. Well, not forever, I'm sure that Zion had a method to communicate with them, I'll just need to figure it out. I admit to myself that it's rather lonely out here. I almost miss my passenger's emotions bleeding through into my own.  _Almost_. Back on topic though, I doubt Eidolon ever came close to wielding this much power, which is a frightening thought. It really hammers home how outmatched we were, how lucky we had to be to win. I try and take my mind off of such morbid thoughts by turning my focus instead towards the next passenger that's trying to get my attention. It's… Eidolon's?

**What?**

I shouldn't have access to this power,  _Zion_  didn't have access to this power, which means I haven't somehow usurped his status. It seems my passenger has done something else. I can feel my panic bubbling underneath my skin, or perhaps those are the powers I'm losing my iron grip on. Ok, ok, calm down. Power experimentation can happen later, focus on something else. I've always done better when I have something to focus on. Take my head out of my hands and.. Wait. Hands? I look down and see that I have two fully formed limbs in front of me. I feel a brief sense of panic as I hope my power didn't change me too much, turn me into some kind of female Zion.

I tap back into my power and instead of forcefully pushing it I try and go with the flow a little bit, constantly making sure that I know what all the active powers are and what they are doing in case I need to stop them. It's easier than trying to pick something specific. The first things to activate are the core powers, the fundamental passengers that made up Zion's center, or what remains of them. Only three are left, out of however many there were, not counting my own passenger. I feel them activate, in turn, the adaptive defense is first, and I can tell that it has learned a lot from our fight with Zion, it seems… almost giddy to be used again, or maybe I'm projecting emotions onto it, humanizing it more than I should. But my passenger was human, or close enough to fool me, though I wasn't in the greatest state of mind at that point. Ok, stop getting distracted, these are questions I can answer later. The next power is the golden glow, Zion's signature aside from the beams, that, well, glows, and also makes those who see it feel that I'm superior to them. It's a subtle Master effect, not one that I really want to have on, but I can't really turn it off if I want to use my other powers, the best I can do is diminish it. At least I can leave up the active defense if… I catch myself again. I've spent far too long being paranoid, afraid of attacks around every corner, though is it really paranoia if someone is out to get you? Unimportant. Focus. The next and last power is a dimensional travel one. It's not Doormaker as it appears to only function for me, but instant teleportation is always nice. Then, I search for a power that lets me look at myself.

I shy away from the perception powers. I'm pretty sure I could handle them, but I want something physical, something that I can look at with my own eyes, like a human. Finally, I find something, the ability to convert other materials into silver. That'll do. I search again, this time for a terrakinesis power, which is much easier to find and I make a wall of sand in front of me, and then convert into a smooth silver wall. That's when I get my first look at myself after what I will now dub my healing coma.

I look… perfect. Well, not perfect, but like an idealized version of myself. My face is subtly different in a way that makes it more attractive, I'm slightly curvier, with better proportions. My arm is back, of course, and when I pull off my armor I can see that just about every other scar or injury that I'd ever picked up is gone, leaving smooth healthy skin behind and wasn't that a comfort, just being sure that I actually had skin. If it wasn't for the golden glow, I'd think I was looking at my mother. As to the golden halo itself, it didn't seem to do anything else to my appearance, though it did make my (thankfully unchanged) hair flutter in a nonexistent wind. Wait. No, it did change something, unless that's just the way they looked now. My irises shone with the same gold glow that surrounded the rest of my body. I hated it. I poked and prodded at the passenger a bit, to see if I could change it to a different color, or even turn off the glowing portion of it, but it seemed that Zion hadn't seen it necessary to have the option to be, well, not gold. Looking at myself again in the silver mirror made me reconsider going back into the world maybe I- No. I can't think like that. Focus. What's next? Figure out what's been done to my body internally.

I sift through my powers again, and this time I search for something that would tell me what's going on inside me. Then I find it, a power that collects and processes information on all biology in an extremely large radius. It seems to be currently configured to work on an entire world, which is unnecessary and probably harmful, so I try again to modify it. This time, it's easier, limiting the passenger to only record information just past my skin, to catch anything on it. I hesitate, that was easy, and I get the feeling that I'm able to instruct it to latch onto a host. Could I do that, hand out powers? I search for a power that would let me know and I come up empty. Then, I remember that searching doesn't yield the best results and instead try and immerse myself as I project my desire to know. In the mirror, I see the golden glow get stronger and then I find it, information on how a passenger gets attached to a host. I can instruct the passenger to latch on to the host, creating a Corona Pollentia, but in order to actually form the connection, the host must undergo a trigger event, which I can't artificially induce. A relief then, I'm sure if I pushed and prodded my powers, I could figure out a workaround, but did I really want that. I- Focus. I needed to clear my head.

I looked up at the sun peeking over the desert horizon. I'd always wanted to fly, and now I could, without the help of a tinkertech backpack. Maybe that would help. I leaned into my power once more, and I felt several different ways to fly, growing wings, aerokinesis, thermokinesis, but I found one that seemed the easiest to use: tactile telekinesis that worked on my own body.

Then I shot up into the sky. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, flying is  _amazing_. I don't know how long I spent like that, just speeding around in the desert in the early morning, kicking up sand in my wake. I laughed for the first time since… I can't really remember the last time I had a good honest  _laugh_. Zion's- My adaptive defense allowed me to ignore the growing heat as the sand below me shimmered. I didn't stop until the sun was in the middle of the sky. I noticed that I didn't feel hungry or thirsty, and decided that it was finally time to check up on my internal processes.

It quickly became clear that I no longer needed to eat or sleep if I didn't want to, among other things. Old me would have been thrilled, but now it just makes me feel… less human. Closer to whatever sort of abomination Zion was. Everything else appears eminently normal outside of my brain, which I save for last. Tentatively, I poke around up there. I am definitely not having the overpowering headache that I had before I passed out, which should be a good thing? Right?

It seemed like my adaptive defense had decided that my body breaking down from the stress of my powers was "an attack" or however it figured out what to adapt to, it was constantly and subtly reinforcing my nerve cells to prevent them from spontaneously exploding or combusting under the strain they were going under. It was doing a hell of a good job at it as well. Still, after my last experience, I was wary about powers that would affect my mind. I tried to use the biological information power to figure it out, but it seemed that it couldn't figure out from running simulations, it would only be able to tell after it'd seen the results.  **Great.**  At least that sort of explains why the entities needed us to figure out their powers for them.

Alright, next task, figure out what I was going to do next. Corollary, I need to figure out how long I've been out and what everyone is up to. Still floating, since I'm not limited to using just three powers at once. Take that, Eidolon! Maybe that's insensitive though, considering that he died fighting the greatest threat to mankind ever. It's… hooked up to the Endbringers? Eidolon was controlling the Endbringers the whole time? Stop. Focus. It doesn't matter, he's dead, along with half of the Endbringers. No. There are more Endbringers lying dormant in the space between dimensions. Tohu and Bohu are there as well. Quickly, I instruct them to remain so. Khonsu seems to have decided to follow one of Teacher's subordinates. I instruct him to go dormant as well. Lastly is the Simurgh, she's…  _bored_. It seems like she's just waiting around for something interesting to happen. What? I try and tell her to go dormant as well, but she somehow communicates back to me through the passenger.

What?

Khonsu couldn't do that. I get the sense of pleading eyes along with a high-pitched, extended, please at the same time as I feel as though she's offering me a deal. She doesn't interfere with me and gives me info and in return, I leave her alone. At first, I'm hesitant, but she did help us against Zion, so perhaps I should let her be. I can always force her to go dormant later if I have to. I accept and I suddenly know it's been six months since Zion's rampage, the Gold Morning. A group similar to the Protectorate has formed, led by Chevalier, calling themselves the Wardens. I also learn about the Amnesty, though I doubt it applies to me. The only other piece of information that catches my metaphorical eye is Valkyrie. Apparently, Glastig Uaine had decided to turn over a new leaf. I remembered Contessa saying something to that effect. I wondered if I were to meet her, would I thank her, or would I want to punch her? A question for another time.

The Simurgh had neglected to inform me what had happened to the Undersiders, and it seemed that they hadn't made any moves large enough to attract the attention of the Wardens. Teacher was still around, according to what the Simurgh had shown me, and he'd taken over Cauldron's own base in full now, so either their attack hadn't worked or it hadn't happened yet. I sifted through the pile of passengers for another power, something like Clairvoyant's, that would allow me to figure out what was up. I found it, something that let me create a holographic projection of any person anywhere and their surroundings, only in two dimensions rather than three, kind of like watching a camera feed.

Unbidden, the first image appears. It's my Dad. He looks… old, and worried. It seems that the Wardens have seen fit to give him a cozy home in "The City", specifically near the Wardens HQ. It seems like a safe area, though I do wonder about their motivations for doing that. The downside of my perfect sight is that I can see how my loss has affected him. I wonder what the official story about me is, how much Contessa has told people. From what the Simurgh told me it didn't seem like anyone was talking much about me, so maybe they all assumed I was dead. That would be ideal. I looked closer, noting his slouched posture. He looked similar to the way he'd looked after Mom died. A surge of temptation flows through me. With my power, it would be easy to disguise myself, maybe even add a stranger power on top that doesn't let anyone connect me with my old identity. I could go live with my dad, be a normal girl for once. I know it's a stupid idea, even as I think it up. People would figure it out, but some part of me can't help but want something normal, something stable, but… I have power now, I can help people so much more than any single other person. I can't just let them all fend for themselves, not when I have such power at my fingertips.

With a heavy heart, I switch the power to someone else, Lisa this time. I see her alone, at a desk pouring over some papers. It doesn't seem like she's at The City, or even on Gimel, but rather on some other world. I don't see any of the other Undersiders with her, but it's possible they're just elsewhere in the apartment or in whatever place she's in. I'm tempted to check up on others, on everyone else and make a plan of action, but Lisa's words rung in my ears. I'd always been bad at asking for help, another thing I could work on. Perhaps whatever my passenger had done meant I didn't need help anymore, but I was tired. Tired of being alone, of never trusting anybody, of constantly being on guard for betrayal. It must say something about me, that it took the end of the world for me to finally make progress on my trust issues.

Rather than hesitate further, I take the plunge. I use my dimensional teleportation and appear directly behind her. I don't think that Zion's teleportation made any sound, but the reaction was instantaneous anyway. In one fluid motion, Lisa had stood up, pulled out a handgun, and trained it at my face. When she saw me, her face went through a chain of emotions that I couldn't parse, before finally settling on anger.

"Get the  _hell_  out of my apartment, and  **don't wear that face in front of me**." Obviously, she thought I was some kind of stranger or changer, it would have been my first reaction as well. I wondered why her power hadn't picked up that it was me, but maybe she was working under the false assumption that I was dead.

I tried to speak, but it felt odd, like I hadn't used my mouth before. Perhaps I hadn't. "L-Lisa, It's me."

"Taylor is dead." her facade of anger starts to crack. "She died saving us all, and you're being d- _disrespectful_ ," her voice broke as she mentioned my death. Her aim started to waiver.

"When we first met, you gave me a lunchbox full of money. It had Alexandria on it. I told-"

She's crying now, she sets the gun on her desk, "It really is you, isn't it?" she gives me a teary once-over. "What happened to you? We thought you were dead." She pulls me into a tight hug before I can respond.

I don't know what to do, how to comfort her. I've never been good with people, so I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

* * *

**AN:**

I wanted the story to be really introspective, and I feel like this chapter is a pretty good example. Don't expect Taylor to really struggle when it comes to combat, though I feel that should be pretty obvious from what has occurred.

The drama of the story will (hopefully) come from Taylor's internal conflict with what she's become.


	3. Apotheosis 1.3

One quick shower later, I was wearing a set of Lisa’s pajamas that didn’t quite fit me. I know I could probably replicate something similar to a shower or just use a power to clean myself, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to let go of something that made me feel like an ordinary human. After my shower, I took a bit of time to look around Lisa’s apartment. To be frank, it was  _tiny_ , consisting of a bedroom, a bathroom, and a study. As far as I could tell, there wasn’t a kitchen, so I wondered what she did for food. Lisa was still at her desk, wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans that looked like they’d seen better days, waiting for me to finish. She’d looked up at me once I’d come out of the bathroom, but she seemed content to let me wander about her apartment until I was ready to talk. I kind of didn’t want to, a mixture of fears, that she would reject me, or that she would be too afraid of me to do so, but I can’t procrastinate forever.

“Hey, Lisa.”

“Taylor,” she stands and turns to face me, “I’m glad you’re back, but what the hell happened to you? For one, my power is all wonky around you, and it’s kind of freaking me out. Even…  _then_  it worked on you. Right now, it just sort of  _slides_  off of you, unless I push, and even then, I can’t get much. Just enough to know you were actually, well, you.”

That’s interesting, I wasn’t aware that I was affecting her power somehow, as far as I could remember, even Zion didn’t do that, another thing to look into. Maybe I could suppress whatever was causing it so Lisa’s power worked normally on me, but did I want that? Oh, Lisa's still waiting for me to respond, time to face the music.

She opens her mouth to say something, and in a classic Lisa move, I start speaking right then, “It’s kind of a long story,” I say, turning on the golden glow. I try and keep it low enough to where the master aura doesn’t affect her too badly.

Her mouth doesn’t close as she stares at me. “Ok, you have some serious explaining to do.”

I cut off the aura, even if it made me feel more confident, self-assured. I had fallen into that trap once before, perhaps it was better for me to doubt a bit. “When Glastig Uaine made that portal, it led to an empty field. I was… I was breaking down, physically and mentally. I… I…”

“Why don’t we sit?” Lisa suggested lightly.

“Ok.” I let out a shuddering breath and let her lead me to her bedroom, where she plops down and pats the spot next to her. It’s easier to speak when I’m not looking at her.

“I was a mess, and I was dying. Even now, when I can remember things clearly, I still feel terrified when I think of that moment.”

“Mhmm.”

“Then, Contessa showed up, and we had a chat, about what had happened, about what would happen. Talking made things easier, made things clearer. She told me she believed I could get better, and then I… She shot me, or tried at least.”

Lisa made an inarticulate sound of frustration and anger. “We’ll-”

“Lisa, wait.”

“Why? She shot you! And she may seem like she’s invincible but she’s not. Everyone has weak points. We’ll just need to figure out hers.”

“Lisa… I…” I really desperately didn’t want to tell her this part, and Lisa’s  _background_  with suicide just made it worse. “I asked her to kill me,” I confessed.

Lisa inhaled sharply.

“I, I could barely even communicate, and talking… talking made me realize how far I’d fallen. I’d lost so much that I couldn’t even tell how much I’d lost. I…” I was crying, I realized. When was the last time I’d let myself cry?

Lisa wrapped her arms around me again. Her hug was… nice. “Oh Taylor,” she seemed to be at a loss for words, “I’m here for you, and the rest of the Undersiders are too.” I looked around at the apartment, empty save for us, then back at Lisa.

She gave me a wry smile, “You’ve been gone for six months, things have changed a bit, but more on that later. I want to hear the next part of your story if you’re willing to tell me?”

I take a deep breath, the next part should be easier, I’m not talking about how I begged Contessa to kill me. I’m… still afraid of what she’ll do when she knows. I don’t know what I’d do if she told me she didn’t want to be around me anymore. “Before she shot me… or just after. I’m not sure actually. I had a… vision, I guess? Maybe a hallucination?”

Lisa just makes an affirmative noise and motions for me to continue.

“I was standing on this sort of crystal in empty space, and I saw my passenger. She spoke to me, helped me remember who I was, what I’d done. I’m still not sure whether I should be thanking her for that, the realization was awful. Then, she said goodbye, and the crystal cracked between us and pulled us apart. Right before she was too far away, she held out her hand, and-”

“Wait, your passenger had a hand? Your passenger was a she?”

“She looked like me, well, me before I had Panacea mess with my brain.”

“Ok. That’s… ok. Continue please.”

“She held out her and said… something about opportunity I think. One of the things I had talked to Contessa about was second chances, and I thought that maybe this was mine, so I took her hand.”

“What happened?”

“I’m kind of having a hard time remembering what happened after that. Things are sort of jumbled up in my mind. I remember that the empty space lit up like the starlit sky, and I also remember Contessa’s bullets bouncing off a- my golden shield, then I remember being overwhelmed by my power, but I can’t remember how I got from one to the other. I also don’t know what happened to Contessa. Then, I slept for a while, woke up and came looking for you here.” I knew I was leaving a bit out, but never mind that it was hard to remember. I also just wanted to be done with my story, to know what Lisa’s reaction would be.

“Are you-” she got up and stood in front of me. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

I nodded.

“ **Fuck!** ” I felt my gut  _squirm_  at her reaction. “This is… This is... “ she starts muttering as I slowly curl up into myself.

“No… It could… Maybe if… Taylor?” She finally seems to notice me. She stares at me for a moment, then looks bewildered. It’s not a look that I’ve seen on her face often. I try and push down the fear of being alone again, alone with all of the passengers. “I’m…” I struggle for something to say. I’m just so  _used_  to Lisa getting everything as soon as I think it.

Lisa comes and sits next to me again. “You, well, I’m not going to say you have nothing to be afraid of, but you have nothing to fear from me,” she says, seemingly understanding something.

“I’m not…  _me_. I’m not Khepri, but I’m also not Taylor.” Finding the right words to convey what I want is difficult. "I… Whatever my passenger did changed me, is still changing me.”

“Oh, Taylor,” Lisa sighs, “You’re still you. I don’t need my power to confirm that.”

There’s a pause, and I can’t bring myself to look at her. She takes it upon herself to break the silence. “So, you’re... “

“Yeah.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I came here because I wanted your advice.”

There’s a rustling sound as Lisa shifts on the sheets, and I can practically feel how much she wants to make some sort of snide comment, but she holds back.

“Oh,” she says, her voice quiet.

“Maybe you can tell me what’s been going on, while you think about it,” I suggest

Lisa seems lost in thought, so I nudge her. “Ah, yeah. I think that maybe we should get the old gang back together to discuss that. Yeah, that sounds good. Recent events, huh. As you may have noticed, the Undersiders aren’t exactly a thing anymore. Oh, we still stay in touch, but we’re doing our own things now. After…  _that_  we organized an op against Teacher, who took over Cauldron’s old base. We didn’t manage to off the bastard, and afterward, we kind of split up. Aisha’s still in charge of the Heartbroken, and Sabah and Lily formed their own group, the Needlepoints. I’ve still got my mercs and well, I’m laying low, since Teacher would really take any opportunity he could get to kidnap and enslave me.

“I see, and my other team?”

“The ones that are still alive have joined up with the Wardens, sort of a successor to the Protectorate, headed by Chevalier. That reminds me, The Faerie Queen joined up with them as well. She’s calling herself Valkyrie now.”

“Ok, and where are we?” The temptation to just use a power and find out was strong, in fact, this whole time a part of me insisted that talking to Lisa was unnecessary, that I could find out all of this on my own, figure out what to do on my own. I ignored it.

“This world has been dubbed Earth Tau. It’s one of the Earths that still have some infrastructure left. Hence, the apartment, and there are enough people here for me to blend in with the crowd, not stand out too much if any of Teacher’s agents come looking for me.”

There’s another pause, where we just sit on Lisa’s bed.

“Let me just get in touch with the rest of the Undersiders. It’s a bit hard considering we’re all across different Earths now, but I have my ways. That’s right, you probably don’t know too much about the situation. I think I have a laptop with some documents somewhere around here.”

Should I tell her about the Simurgh? Of course, I should, I should have already told her. I can’t just keep holding back out of habit. “Something to tell me?” I thought her power didn’t work on me. “It wasn’t my power.” Then how is she- “You’re just predictable. That and I know you,” she says giving me a trademark Lisa grin. “So what did you want to say?”

“I uh, I may have gotten in contact with the Simurgh.” Lisa’s eyes widen minutely. “I made a deal with her to leave her alone in exchange for information.”

Lisa makes an exaggerated sigh, “Of course you did Taylor, no waiting for advice from someone who hasn’t been dead to the world for the last six months, just hop right into making deals with Endbringers.” I cringe. “It’s, well, it’s probably not too bad. The Simurgh hasn’t been active since, you know, but nobody knows what she’s up to. I just wish you’d ask someone first. It doesn’t have to be me, just someone you can trust.”

“I know, I’m trying to do better, be better. I came here didn’t I?” I try.

“You did, and I’m going to help you,” she declares as she leaves the room.

Part of me feels indignant that Lisa is criticizing me. I’m sure with a flex of my power I could have a laundry list of her faults, but that’s not really the point is it? I came here specifically to ask for her advice, and it’s not like she’s told me she never wants to see me again, which is really what I was most afraid of. I’m… not sure what the others will do when they find out, but I think that as long as Lisa’s willing to stick around, I’ll be ok.

Another thought comes to me, do I really want to pin my second chance on Lisa alone, though. Lisa is my best friend, but I’ve long known that she’s not a good person, neither of us are. She’s not a bad person per se, but she’s no selfless hero. Then again, should I really be thinking of things so callously? Lisa’s my friend, she’s remained my friend even when I up and joined the Protectorate and through all this. She’s even welcomed me back into her home despite… whatever I am right now. I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt at least.

Speaking of morals though, who defines those, now that the government is gone. I pull out the laptop Lisa put next to me and see that it’s already open to a folder with a bunch of helpfully labeled files. I immediately think about finding some sort of power that lets me just download all the information into my brain, but I hesitate. For one, I’ve very recently had bad experiences with information overload, and on the other hand, should I really be using my power so much in everyday life? Should I try and reserve it for only when I really need to use it?

No, that’s stupid. I remember Glastig Uaine’s advice again. I just need an anchor, and I have one right? Lisa, and the rest of the Undersiders. So long as I have them, they can keep me grounded. If I’m too afraid to use the power I’ve been given, then I won’t be able to affect anything at all. It feels like bragging to say it, even in my head, but I’m  _powerful_. Powerful enough to significantly improve the lives of everyone else. I should try and get some sort of practice with my powers in while it’s safe and I can afford to fail.

Closing my eyes, I tap into the power. It’s really always  _there_  in the back of my mind, just like my swarm, but it’s much easier to ignore. There’s no constant buzzing in the back of my head, no constant sense of where everything is in my surroundings. Honestly, thinking about it and recalling how pervasive my swarm sense was is making me feel disoriented. Why hadn’t I been feeling that before? Why only when I’m thinking about it? My power, or as I’m starting to think, my passenger, brings up a power that allows me to have an awareness of my surroundings, a thinker power. That’s nice, but not what I’m looking for right now. I try and think about what I want, some sort of digital data transfer, or computer interface. Oh, that should work, even though it’s quite… odd. I suppose I can’t make overtures about the usefulness of a power when I’m about to make use of it.

I make a copy of the all the documents Lisa has on events after the Gold Morning, and then I reach for the computer screen, my hand glowing dimly and as my fingers come into contact with it, the screen ripples like water as my hand passes through. They feel like metal rectangular prisms in my hand. After I pull them out, I examine them, they look like, well, glass prisms, with the name and icon presented on each of the four long faces. Slowly, doubting my own power, I take a bite out of one.

It’s crunchy.

They sort of have this cool metallic flavor, but what really gets me is the sudden influx of information. I don’t actually swallow as the shards of information seem to dissolve in my mouth. It seems like the Wardens are mostly just enforcing things on a case by case basis, with little consistency between separate groups. They are acting as both judge and jury, which is ironic in a way. The Protectorate had always been about enforcing the rule of law, but what do you do when law no longer exists. I continued munching on the files. Apparently, the most talked about member right now is Valkyrie, who has been tentatively declared the strongest parahuman. It seems that she’s doing a lot of good by keeping things in order, and also changed her look, twice in fact. First to some sort of frilly skirt, and second to an older girl, roughly my age, with wings.

Speaking of her, I’m reminded of the some of the powers I’d used. I’m pretty sure that some of those were her ‘shades’ like Doormaker or Eidolon. People whose power she’d harvested. I try reaching out for her own power, and I touch upon it. A power designed to reclaim shards without a host, to gather them. Once again, I wondered how I had access to these powers. What were the implications of that? I almost reached out and grasped her passenger, to see if I could use it,, but then I remembered the conversation I’d just had with Lisa, about not doing dangerous things without getting a second opinion. It could wait, I didn’t need to use it urgently after all.

I continued snacking on the information, which is what Lisa saw as she walked into the room. Me, sitting on her bed with her laptop in my lap, snacking on rectangular prisms with folder names on them. I see her glance between my face and a half-eaten file and see as she makes the connection.

“Couldn’t you have picked a less ridiculous power?”

“It’s the first one that I found that actually worked,” I protest.

“I better still have copies of those files. You hear me?”

“I made sure to make copies,” I say, doing my best to affect an innocent look. I’m not as good as Aisha is though.

Lisa holds her stern look for a moment, then snickers, then bursts out in laughter. I smile, I want to laugh, but somehow it just doesn’t feel like I can. How long-, no. Now isn’t the time for morbid thoughts like that. Right now it’s time to enjoy the moment.

Lisa calms herself, “I’ve contacted the rest of the Undersiders, though it’ll take a bit for them to get the message. We can see if you can teleport us to the rendezvous point tomorrow. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m tired. So use your phenomenal cosmic power to make yourself another bed or whatever, this one’s mine.” She says as she flips off the lights and gets into bed

I dip into my power, aware of how the formerly dark room is lit up by me. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to being a human nightlight. I look for something that’ll let me make a bed. The first power I find is a comfort tinker. Just… how is- Oh. The furniture has a master effect that makes you not want to get up. Insidious. Oh, this should work, inorganic item duplication. I grab the foot of Lisa’s bed and pull. A second bed seems to be pulled out of the first, as if they’d been overlaid on top of each other in reality somehow. Lisa yelps.

“What the hell was that?”

I find myself smiling again, “Phenomenal Cosmic power of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:
> 
> More Angst than expected. Did you know that the original drafts I have for this story were a lighthearted power fantasy? Anyway, I’d planned on putting this out yesterday, but I couldn’t find it in me to actually write the beginning, which I felt was an important part of the scene. I’ll probably try and update this around once a week. I’ve also been considering getting a beta since I’m spread kind of thin among fics and quests as is and I don’t have a lot of time to review everything. I will probably make mistakes since I’ve only read through Arc 9 in Ward, and when I reread Worm it’s usually up to the S9 and then I skip right to the S9000, so a lot of the middle bits don’t quite stick in my memory.
> 
> Not sure if there were too many ellipses. I was trying to make the tone kind of halting. Stopping and starting over and over again.
> 
> I’ve also noted that the reunion scene and the Endbringers thing were rushed, If I do a rewrite I’ll go back and fix them.


	4. Apotheosis 1.4

**Apotheosis 1.4**

The meeting place is apparently a fairly small cottage in a village that was a couple of portals away. It had taken a while for me to find a power other than Clairvoyant's that would allow me to actually spy the location so I could teleport to it. I was hesitant to use that power again. I didn't want to tip off the Fae-Valkyrie of my survival just yet if she didn't know already. From what Lisa had told me it seemed like she was on the straight and narrow, but I wasn't so sure. Once I knew where we were going, I simply used the core power that allowed me to teleport. I had asked Lisa if she had any insight, but her power couldn't read it, her best guess was that it was extremely direct and efficient teleportation, without any frills or extra functions attached. That actually made it excellent for showing up quietly inside the cottage and simply going outside to sit on the porch area.

I was, due to my ability simply teleport us there, able to examine the village our meeting place was situated in. It was a bit of a shock, to see the people living here dressed in what amounted to rags, eking out an existence on the borders of civilization. As far as I could tell, electricity and running water didn't exist here, and even food was scarce. On some level, I'd known that with the damage caused, there would be trouble maintaining infrastructure, but I had expected that things like food and running water would at least be universal. I turned my curious gaze to Lisa, who was sitting next to me, watching me as I observed the village.

"Even with tinkers helping out, there just isn't enough room in the cities, and in the places they aren't there, the infrastructure just isn't being maintained. There aren't enough people to manage or repair what's leftover. Those who have nowhere else left band together and form villages like this. They're not totally unconnected, but they have little to trade for food or goods," Lisa explains. This, more than anything cements my desire to fix things in this second chance of mine. I'm certain given my powers, that I could provide significant material wealth to the inhabitants of this village, but that would be treating the symptom more than the problem itself. Maybe if I gave people the skills and then created the necessary infrastructure- "You start helping out without a plan and people will take notice." Lisa warns. Maybe I should just figure out a way for her power to work on me so I don't have to eternally wonder whether Lisa's power picked something up or I'm just predictable. "We'll help people, but at your scale, you need to think bigger than just one village at a time, and that's why we're going to meet, right? To figure out what you want to do, and how to go about doing it. So just hold off on acting a little bit, ok?"

I think it over, it makes sense, I suppose to not draw attention to myself until I'm ready to really shake things up, but it still feels callous to just leave these people before me to slowly starve. Maybe it's superficial, to help only the people in front of me, but I should start somewhere. I look Lisa in the eyes as I reach for a power that will allow me to help, but subtly. After sifting through a bunch of non-helpful combat powers, I eventually settled for frost generation. Before, I would have assumed a power like this would be ex nihilo, but now I can feel the power slowly draining of energy as I use it to make some frost crystals near the well, that should slowly melt and seep into the well. At least they won't be going thirsty for a while. Lisa just sighs at me. Then her gaze focuses over my shoulder.

Turning to see what she's looking at, I see Aisha strolling down the dirt road, in her full Imp getup, I can tell it's not the same costume I made for her, that one probably wouldn't fit anymore, but it looks to be of similar quality at least. Of course, no one else notices her, though Lisa and I both do. That tells me… not much actually. It's possible she's still excluding me from her power, but it's also possible that Lisa and I can simply bypass her power to an extent. I'm not actively trying, but that niggling sense of all the powers everywhere at all times that I've been suppressing still identifies the existence of Aisha's passenger.

She walks up casually to the table Lisa and I are sitting at, looks at both of our faces, and then plops herself down on the seat next to Lisa. Pulling up her mask as she puts her legs on the table. Lisa sighs.

"Thought you were dead." Aisha opens. Lisa cringes.

"I'm uh… not?"

"That's pretty fucking obvious." Aisha's tone is, well, not hostile I don't think, but it almost seems like she doesn't know how to react to me, which is fair.

"You're looking good. So-"

"We're going to wait for Sabah and Lily so that Taylor doesn't have to explain things twice." Lisa interrupts her.

Aisha seems to consider arguing, "Fine," she settles.

We sit in silence, until Lily, with Sabah on her arm, open the door. The door to the inside of the cottage. I look at Lisa. Her eyes are twinkling like she's gotten one over on me, which, I suppose, she has. Lily and Sabah are both wearing breezy-looking sundresses, with matching wide-brim hats.

Lily's eyes snap to me as soon as the door opens wide enough for her to see me. "Why don't we head inside?" she suggests.

The three of us still sitting get up and follow the other two back inside the cottage. I do a quick check and can't see any way they would have gotten in other than the front door, which they obviously didn't as I was inside there when I brought Lisa. I go to the indoor sitting area, which contains some shoddy looking yet remarkably comfortable seats.

Lily's hasn't stopped looking at me, her expression unreadable. Sabah also seems to have noted, as she speaks first, "I'm sure we all have questions, but I think first we should let Taylor tell her own story," she suggests. I shoot her a grateful smile

I open my mouth and just stop. I can't explain, not in the literal sense, but in that I can't figure out exactly what to say. My first instinct is to go for a thinker power to help me explain, but not only does that seem excessive. I don't want to become dependent on powers just to be able to interact like a normal person. This time, though, I elect to leave out a bit of the story.

"After, uh, afterward. Contessa and I had a chat. We talked a bit about my future, and what my options were, she could umm… communicate with me even though I couldn't speak. Near the end of that conversation though, my passenger did… something, and now I sort of just have all the powers?" I rushed through the last bit, making it come out more as a question than a statement.

"What?" was Aisha's response. Sabah just looked short of shocked, while Lily looked faintly suspicious.

I continue, "Then, I was sort of overwhelmed, so I've been in a coma since then." To punctuate my very quick retelling of all the nonsense I'd been through since Zion died, I activated my glow at a low level again. This time, just enough to get my long black hair swaying in the nonexistent indoor breeze, I'm sure my irises were starting to glow gold as well.

"Oh my God!" Lily's hand was already reaching for one of her rapiers and I cut the glow. I did not want to get stabbed by one of the only pow-people that could hurt me.

Aisha, on the other hand, is grinning from ear to ear. The kind of grin where you know she's about to make trouble. Before I can figure out what trouble that is, Sabah pipes up again, sounding exasperated. "We already have a Goddess and a Valkyrie, what's one more." she glances at Lisa, and I don't quite catch the exchange, but she turns back to me, "I, for one, am glad that you're ok Taylor," she says in a not-so-subtle hint to her partner.

"I'm sorry, I'm really glad you're ok, but it's just a lot to take in, you know? What now?"

"Isn't it obvious, now that we've got extra muscle, we take the fight back to Teacher," Aisha responds.

"I thought after the last unsuccessful attempt, we would adopt a wait and see approach. After all, he's hardly the worst person out there. I, for one, think we should target the Fallen if anyone."

"That was  _before_  we got enough firepower to wipe Teacher off the map."

"I have to-" Lily starts, but gets cut off by Lisa.

"Why don't we ask what Taylor here wants to do? It's her that enables all this after all," Lisa shifts the attention back to me.

"I, uh, well I wanted your advice on what to do next. Aisha, you think I should go after Teacher?" "Yeah, you fucking should." "And Sabah and Lily, you think the Fallen are a bigger threat?"

"I believe so," Sabah answers.

It would be so easy to be indecisive here, to say that I wanted more time to think, but I was pretty sure that the info I wanted to know was just details. Teacher would want to consolidate power, he wanted control, and while that didn't mean that people under him would flourish necessarily, they likely weren't dying in droves. The Fallen, on the other hand, I vaguely remember that during  _that_  they had gone around causing chaos. In truth though, dealing with either of those things were what I wanted to do first.

"I know it's been half a year, but to me, it feels like no time has passed at all. I don't want to get in a fight just yet. There are a lot of people I still want to talk to, if not for advice, then at least for closure. My Dad, Valkyrie, Contessa, Dr. Yamada, Dinah," I count off my fingers. "I think that Contessa is doing something with Teacher, or at least she was before I had the whole coma, thing. So I think it's pretty likely that I'll end up antagonizing Teacher first."

"That's fair," Lily concedes, "but a lot of those people are being watched by the Wardens basically 24/7."

"I'm sure I can figure something out. I've got a lot of options after all."

"Just remember, your first action will reveal you to the world, it will set the tone for what others will expect," Sabah warns. She kind of reminds me of all those lectures on PR I had when I was a Ward.

Lisa claps her hands together, " _Alright_ , I was originally planning on setting up a strike at the Fallen, but I think that since Taylor wants to go after Teacher first, I'll go back to digging up info on him. It'll be tougher since he knows I'm coming, but I'll manage. I wouldn't mind some help though," she says, looking at Aisha.

"I'm down, I've been wanting to get back at the bastard since our last fight, and now, we have an edge," she grins at me.

Sabah looks at Lily, who exchanges some silent words with her, before turning to me. "It'll be tough, managing the Needlepoints and trying to figure out the Fallen, but we'll manage somehow."

"Great, now, Taylor here can get you back where you came from much easier than the way here, isn't that right."

I wonder if I should feel annoyed at being volunteered as transport, but it makes logical sense, and it's not really worth it to get annoyed over. I look to Sabah and Lily, tugging on my power a bit. I can feel the glow come about me again. It's not warm, but there's this feeling of  _power_  that comes about whenever I turn it on, so I've been trying to avoid using it as much as possible. That's hard though when basically all my powers sort of require it to be there as a base. I activate a touch-based post-cognition power and take their hands, sifting through the info I get until I find what looks like a quiet room.

We're there in an instant. No fanfare or disorientation, which is nice I suppose. I take a look around and feel myself flush a bit as I realize that this is their bedroom. Sabah calmly leads me out to what looks like the common area of an apartment, decorated with many stuffed animals, with Lily following close behind.

"Taylor, just remember that you're always welcome here."

"Thanks."

Next is Aisha, Where she lives looks a lot more like a warehouse, complete with metal catwalks running across the sides to establish 'floors'

"Good to have you back, even if you are a bit different,' she comments. "Though I am curious, what kinds of powers do you have now? Can you show me one?"

I'm honestly a little surprised she didn't go for an 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' joke. Obliging her request isn't too hard. I tap into my power and search for something evident. The first one I find makes me unbeatable in hand-to-hand, but that's not really evident, then I find something that I can use to poke Aisha back a bit. I turn to look at her, and she shudders as she feels the sensation of many spiders crawling along her skin, a sensation I know quite well.

"What the hell was that?"

"I messed with your sense of touch."

"That's freaky, but I guess I . Catch you around," she says, walking off towards a couple of pale-faced kids looking at me with curious expressions. I take that as a dismissal and teleport back to Lisa.

She looks at me, "The people you mentioned aren't the only ones you want to talk to, are they?"

"I'd like to see Theo, maybe talk to Legend or Chevalier if I can manage, but they can wait," I make a gesture at the window, and by extension the village, "I can't afford to just sit around and wait, people need help. People might be afraid of me, want to kill me, but right now. I'm  _tough_ , I can handle it." I'm surprising myself with how much conviction I put into the words.

"You never did know when to quit." She gets up, "Don't take me back to my apartment. We're going to see if you can teleport to a location in a picture, and if I'm going up against Teacher again, I need a different safehouse.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:
> 
> Trying to make it a bit more light-hearted compared to the last chapter.
> 
> Not sure I really got Lily and Sabah's characters down yet, but live and learn after all.
> 
> I wish I could promise that this is the last chapter of sitting around and talking, but at least next chapter it will be exciting subterfuge along with the sitting around and talking.


	5. Apotheosis 1.5

**Apotheosis 1.5**

As it turns out, I can use Zion's dimensional movement power to go towards a picture. That has interesting implications. This apartment is much more upscale than the last one. There are big floor to ceiling windows, covered in semi-opaque drapes that let light filter into the room. The door looks like it's made of some high-quality wood, and the two sofas frame a massive flatscreen on the wall. The rug is soft underneath my shoes. I examine the doors other than the front door. One leads into a dining area, with a chandelier and an attached kitchen and pantry. The other two lead into bedrooms, each with their own full bathroom and bed, though one room is about a third larger than the other.

I turn back to Lisa, who is taking her shoes off at the door.

"If you don't mind,  _O powerful one_ , I prefer my house without mud everywhere." I check my shoes, they don't seem dirty, and I don't actually think I walked on that dirt road, though I could use a replacement soon. I had not been kind to them. I give Lisa a skeptical look as I comply, putting my shoes next to hers. "Where are we now? This looks pretty upscale to be on some obscure Earth."

"The City, of course. I think you might actually be able to see the Wardens HQ from one of these windows, and the last place Teacher will think I'm hiding out is right next to them." Refuge in audacity, huh?

"Why? Is there some reason that the Wardens would be after you?"

"Not specifically, but we haven't exactly endeared ourselves to them either."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one we didn't join up with them after The Amnesty, and for another, we did poke Teacher. I don't think they liked that one bit. He increased security after that, you know. Not that that'll affect you too much."

"Yeah." I look out the window. My Dad is in this city. He's probably not even that far away from here. How long has it been since I've seen him? What will I even say to him?

"You know," Lisa interrupts my train of thought, "you could always stop putting it off and just  **go talk to him**."

I start drawing on my power, ready to find something that'll help me locate him.

"Before you go," Lisa pipes up again, "can you use tinker powers?" My thoughts immediately go to that comfort tinker power I'd found. "You can. Excellent!"

Wait, "I thought your power didn't work on me?"

" _Well_ , I can't tell jack shit about what's going on with your passenger, but if I push,  _you_ 're easy enough to read. I think it helps that I'm so familiar with you as well, plus I haven't had a thinker headache since you showed up, which my power is being frustratingly silent about. I blame you."

"What did you want a tinker power for?" I change the subject.

"You have Professor Haywire's power somewhere in there, yeah? Can you make something for us to communicate across Earths? The internet is kind of super dead."

I lean into my power again, this time searching for something that can do what she said. It's actually the first thing I find, a tinker power that's about crossing dimensions. I try and keep that passenger  _close_ , that feels like the right word. It'll be useful to build stable portals if I ever need to do that. The passenger gives me this feeling of just itching to build  _something_ , I wonder if all the passengers configured to be tinker powers were like that.

I don't have the materials in front of me to build anything, but a quick mental flex and I can feel another power, some sort of energy to matter conversion, slot into place. This one isn't configured to have a host and it seems almost  _excited_  to be called upon.

I reach out and a golden glow, brighter than the one surrounding my body appears on my fingertips. The materials I need flow from my fingertips and with another tweak of my power, my passenger(?), The power comes with some small scale Metallokinesis/Geokinesis that is designed for fine control and I assemble the device in the air in front of me. During the construction, there were a couple of moments where I felt the passenger try and insert mistakes or inefficiencies that would make me go back and fix the device later, but I just sort of told it not to, and it stopped. It looks like a really bulky tablet.

Lisa's giving me an exasperated look, "I'm not even a tinker and I know that's bullshit." She examines the tablet device I've made. "That'll be useful. Could you make and deliver ones for Aisha, Rachel, and Sabah and Lily before you go looking for your dad?" She didn't need to tell me the obvious benefits, but there was something that struck me about that. Rachel hadn't been at the meeting, and I hadn't even noticed. Was my passenger still messing with my perception? Was it due to my memories being messed up after  _that_?

**"Calm. Down."**  Lisa has her hands on my shoulders and is squinting into my eyes. My glow is lighting up the room. I take a deep, shuddering breath, looking down at my hands. "Rachel canceled last minute, someone attacked one of her Sons and he went to go find out who. I thought I told you that. Besides, out of everyone, she's probably the person who'll be the most at ease with… you."

I look back up at her, "I thought everyone else seemed pretty normal."

Lisa put a hand to her forehead, "How are you so oblivious," she muttered. "Look, we can talk about it later, first, make some more of these and deliver them."

I did the same thing and made three more of the tablets that can communicate across dimensions. It was interesting. Using a tinker power, that is. There wasn't any point where I was trying to figure out how the device worked the way it did. I just knew. I wonder if other tinker powers were like this. I wonder if Lisa's power is like this.

"Make one for yourself as well."

"Couldn't I just teleport if I needed to talk to you?"

"I'm sure Lily and Sabah will just  _love_  having you teleport into their room while they're in bed together," she deadpans.

"Point taken." I make another one. I can feel the passenger complaining about doing repeat work, but I ignore it. I also need to stop humanizing them so much. I don't want to end up like The Faerie Queen.

I take up one of the tablets I've stacked on the coffee table in Lisa's living room area, and I'm about to teleport when Lisa hands me a letter.

"Take this with you, it's a note with what I know about the Fallen. I doubt they'll go about things the same way I would, but the should at least have the info."

"When did you write this?"

"You didn't think you were building the devices instantly, did you?"

I kind of thought I was. Ok, tinker powers were kind of scary with how they affected my perception of time, I'd have to watch out for that.

Lisa just grins at me, "You're bullshit, but you're not  _that_  bullshit."

Instead of dignifying that comment with a response, I teleported to Sabah and Lily's base, the Needlepoint's base. More specifically, the room  _outside_  of their bedroom.

Sabah was there, weaving clothes and placing them onto several growing stacks of them. She's unfazed by my sudden arrival and turns to greet me, the cloth still weaving itself behind her back. "Oh, Taylor, what brings you back here so soon?"

"A present? These will let you communicate with the others across worlds, and this is a letter from Lisa about the Fallen."

Sabah gives me a small smile as she takes, "A thoughtful gift. Will you be staying? Would you like something to drink?"

"Sorry, I was just popping in for a moment. I need to go deliver the other ones to Aisha and Rachel."

"Oh, well good luck," she turns back to weaving.

"Thanks." Next stop, the Heartbroken.

I pop into where Aisha left me last time, and my limbs immediately lock. It takes about a second and a half before my adaptive defense simply overrules whatever power is keeping me in place and I turn my head to see a little girl with long blonde hair. She was pretty, like all of the Heartbroken, but she couldn't have been more than 12.

"Who are you?" she asked harshly.

I wondered if I should know her. I hadn't had a chance to get to know many of the Heartbroken, focused as I had been on preparing myself and others, and on top of that, my memories were often muddled, as if they'd been soaked and the colors blurred together.

"I'm Taylor. Uh. I have a delivery for Aisha?"

She seems to digest my statement for a moment. "You're her," she says, in a voice lacking inflection.

"I'm who?"

"You're the one that Aisha always tells us about."

"I am?"

"Yes."

I waited for her to continue that statement, but it seemed that she thought that was answer enough.

"And who are you?"

"I'm Juliette. Aisha is behind you."

I turn around and Aisha is there, pouting at Juliette. She's wearing her Imp costume again, and this time I notice it. The golden circle with a ring around it. The symbol of the people who were  _there_.

"You didn't have to give me away," she complains to the expressionless little girl. Aisha walks over to her and pinches her cheeks. Juliette looks faintly annoyed but makes no move to stop her. "At least you got to meet the little munchkin. Isn't she cute?"

"Yes?"

"Juliette, could you go get Samuel and Florence?" The little girl walks off. "So what brings you back here so soon, Taylor?"

"I brought a way to communicate with the others."

"Cool! That'll be helpful, does it have a camera?"

"Uh, yeah?"

Aisha grins, "Then I can take videos of me sneaking up on people." The little girl returns with two of her older half-siblings. "Sorry to cut this short, but I have to go meet with an  _acquaintance_  of Teacher's."

"One of his students?"

"Sort of, still enough of him there to rebel a bit, but I've gotta keep him on the straight and narrow otherwise he'll relapse."

"Oh, ok."

"Well, see ya around, Taylor." Aisha strolls out the door of the warehouse-like building with the three kids in tow.

I teleport back to Lisa's apartment. She's sitting on the couch with a laptop, her legs crossed and resting on the coffee table. She glances up at me when I pick up the second to last tablet but doesn't say anything.

"So, do you know where Rachel is?"

"I know you're at least  _trying_  to do things like a normal person, but seriously, just find her with a power."

"Ok." I hesitate. I look at Lisa. I want to ask her to come with me. I'm not sure I can do this by myself.

"Taylor, I know you're trying to depend on others for once, but I can't be with you all the time."

"Ok," I close my eyes and sift back through my powers. It wasn't really necessary for me to close my eyes, but I thought it helped me search, and powers for locating people precisely across dimensions were pretty rare, even among the sheer number of powers I now had access to. Just because there were ten thousand powers like that didn't make them any easier to find when you were looking in a pool of trillions. The first ping I get is not a power that helps me locate Rachel. Instead, it's a teleportation power, one that takes me  _to_  a person if I share a strong emotional connection with them. I open my eyes and try and use the power, thinking about Rachel. Our friendship was definitely not smooth, but it meant a lot to me.

In a flash of pale blue light, I'm there, standing in front of Rachel. She looked tired, she was leaning back on a pile of stones. There were some bees buzzing in the background, reminding me of the power that I'd lost.

A memorial.

As soon as she saw me, she stood up, getting ready to take a swing at me. Then she stopped.

" _You_."

"Yeah. Me."

"Can't be you. You're dead." That's when I realize what the stones are memorializing. Some of her dogs and the tallest one. Me. It's really quite strange. I imagine that this is what it's like to look at your own grave. I stare at it trying to figure out what to say to that. "You're not her. So who are you?"

"Rachel, it's really me. I… I survived."

"Can't be," she insists, but her voice is softer this time. I notice we're being watched, some of her group and some dogs are looking on from afar.

"I just. What can I say? What can I do to make you believe it's really me?"

Rachel just storms past me, brushing me on her way down the hill.

"Rachel, wait!" I chase after her.

"You're supposed to be dead." How do you even respond to that? She turns to look at me. "Why didn't you come back sooner?"

"I couldn't. I was too injured."

"S'Really you."

"Yeah."

We sort of just stare at each other. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. I know Lisa said that Rachel would take my… new abilities the best, but I'm still reluctant to reveal them to her, and in front of so many people as well.

"Rachel, that's not it. There's more to the story. I'm uh. I took Zion's power."

"So?"

"So? What do you mean, So?"

"You're Still you."

"Yes? How is this not surprising to you?"

"It's you." Ok, I admit my life has been kind of ridiculous, but that was… Am I tearing up? Why am I tearing up?

I take a shuddering breath trying to get my emotions and my body back under control. Rachel reaches out and pats me on the shoulder, before grabbing me tightly.

"Missed you."

My composure breaks again, and I let out a sob. I'm just so… so overwhelmed. I don't even know by what anymore. It's just. If seeing my friends leaves me like this, what am I going to be like with my dad?

"I missed you too, Rachel."

I stand there awkwardly, wiping my face on my hands, trying to get a hold of myself.

"Where are we going?"

"Huh?"

"Don't like the city, but I'll go if it's for you."

"What? Rachel, you don't have to go anywhere. I-"

"I'm coming with you." There goes what fragile bits of calm I'd managed to piece together. I don't even know why I bother.

"Rachel, I don't know what to say. What about all your dogs, the Sons of Bitch?"

"They can handle themselves for a bit."

"I… Thank you, Rachel. Thank you so much."

"We're friends, right?"

"Yeah." I let out another shuddering sob before I calm myself, "Yeah we are."

"So who are we going after?"

"Teacher, but not yet. I've been gone a while. People assume I'm dead. I want to talk to some people, figure myself out a bit."

"I don't get it. You're still you." I let out a slightly hysterical laugh.

"I don't feel like it," I admit.

"Doesn't matter. You're strong. You'll get through it."

"I… Thanks, Rachel." I sort of feel like a broken record, with how much I'm repeating myself.

"When are we going?"

"Actually, that's part of why I came here." I produce the tablet communication device. "This will allow us to contact you if we need to. We can stay in touch. Speaking of, didn't you have someone attack you."

Rachel just grunts.

"Do you need help looking for them. I can help with that, or heal the person who got hurt."

She looks like she's going to refuse for a moment, "Could use the healing."

"Where should I go."

Rachel turns around and starts walking through the forest of tents, before stopping at one that has a haphazard red cross painted on the side. "He's inside."

I step in and see a man who appears to be covered in bandages. Not entirely, but a significant portion of his body is bandaged up. There's only one other person in the tent. A prim-looking woman with graying hair. She must be the doctor.

"What are his injuries?" I ask her.

"Lacerations all over his body. Looked like shrapnel."

I can probably heal that. I search for a power that can heal. They're uncommon, but they exist. The first to come up is Panacea's power. I hesitate, I'm honestly a little surprised at how calm I am. This is the power that nearly took everything from me. The one that turned me into…  _that_. I reject it, looking for something else. The ability to grant powers including regeneration. That could work. It's familiar though… Othala's passenger? No response. I still can't talk to them, even though I feel like I should be able to.

Regardless, I give the man regeneration and the doctor starts unbandaging him, revealing pristine skin underneath where there used to be cuts. He's still asleep though, so we can't talk to him or ask him what happened.

I turn to Rachel, the tablet still in my other hand, "So, what have you been up to since…  _then_?"

"Being free. Taking care of animals."

That's… not really a descriptive answer, but Rachel has never been descriptive. Nor has she had plots and plans like Lisa. "Well, take this. I'll be in touch." I say, feeling awkward.

"Taylor."

"Yeah."

"Come back some time."

It takes all of my willpower not to break down into happy or sad or just plain overwhelmed tears. I feel like all the emotions I stowed away are just coming back to me all at once.

I teleport to Lisa's apartment and just take a moment to calm myself. Lisa's barely moved, but when I show up, she puts her laptop down and comes to sit by my side.

"It went well? I'm glad."

I just nod and lean on her for a bit, unsure what I'm supposed to feel, what I'm supposed to do. The little memorial Rachel had for me comes to the forefront of my mind. I wonder if the other Undersiders made similar things for me. Should I ask them? Do I want to know?

"Are you done for the day?" I look outside, the sun isn't even starting to set yet.

"No, I," I take a deep breath, "I want to see my dad today."

"Are you sure? You don't have to go you know. He'll still be there tomorrow"

"I can't. Keep putting it off that is. Tomorrow, I'll want to wait another day, to prepare or for some other excuse. I think it's best to rip off the bandage as soon as possible."

"If you say so."

* * *

Later, I find myself walking down a street in The City, covered in stranger powers. I'd already figured out that Dad was doing groceries thanks to some power usage of my own. I didn't see any wanted posters of myself or anything, but I had no doubt that the Wardens were on the lookout for me. They can't have forgotten, it will take a very long time for that to happen. Currently, to those around me, I'm an unremarkable young woman of college age with no memorable features. To cameras, I'm a blur, and to anyone watching those cameras, that I am a blur is unremarkable.

Yes people of The City, pay no mind to the slightly glowing girl sharing the sidewalk with you. She is not important.

Oh, I spy my dad walking towards the grocery store. I wonder if the Wardens are tailing him or watching him in other ways, but I'm capable of ensuring our conversation is unnoticed, so I will.

"Hello," I say as I walk up to him, "Could I have a moment of your time?"

"I'm sorry, I'm really quite busy,"

"Please, it's very important to me."

He seems to consider me for a moment. "Ok, what is it?"

"Could we talk somewhere more private?" I could probably ensure that where we are now is private enough, but having people ignore us could be suspicious enough to where the Wardens realize stranger powers are at work.

"What do you have in mind?"

"How about that Mexican restaurant over there."

Torch's is fairly crowded despite it currently not being a mealtime, but we find a place easily enough. As we sit down, I tug on another power, my golden glow briefly increasing in volume as I do so. Now, to anyone listening in, it would appear that we are talking about a possible distant familial connection. It hints at the truth, which is why it's a good cover. Then, I mess around some more, figuring out how to exclude my dad from the stranger effect making me unremarkable. There it is.

"Oh my God." Dad's shock is muted, though he has crushed his taco, the sauce dripping down his fingers.

"Hi, Dad."

Dad just stares at me, unbelieving. "Taylor?"

"Yeah."

"They told me you were missing, presumed dead."

"I was pretty out of commission for a while, but I'm better now."

He just looks at me for a moment, at a loss for words. "Is it really you?" he asks again. Is my survival really so unbelievable? I think back to how I was when I last 'talked' with Contessa. Yes, yes it is.

"Yes, Dad. It's me. I… know I haven't been the best daughter, but-"

Dad interrupts me by wrapping me up in a tight hug. I feel a slight pang of sadness as I note that he can no longer make me feel like my ribs are being squeezed, my defenses preventing that from happening.

"You're… harder than I remember." Dad tries for a joke.

"Dad, there's more than just me surviving."

He sighs, "Of course there is. It's not you wanting to settle down and have a quiet life, is it? I know you couldn't do the unrecognizable thing before."

"After…  _he_  died. I sort of. I don't know. Inherited his powers? That doesn't make any sense really, but it's the best explanation I can figure out."

"He? Wait you don't mean-"

"Zion." I let my aura flood out a bit more as I call upon a power that lets me make trails of light in the air, kind of like drawing. It has other effects as well, but I'm not using those right now. I draw a golden circle in the air in front of me.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Then I suppose you really could live a quiet life," he tries, but I can tell that even he doesn't believe it.

"Dad, I'm powerful, I can help people. People need my help and you  _know_  I can't just leave them to die on their own."

"You never could leave well enough alone, just like your mother," he mutters. "Haven't you done enough? You saved every world. Doesn't that entitle you to a well-earned rest? Let other people handle problems for once?"

"I can't just not help people. There isn't enough urban development to house everybody and there won't be for a long time, even with the construction still ongoing. People outside the city are struggling to get enough food to feed themselves. How can I just stand by when I have the power to change all that?"

He clenches his hands into fists, then relaxes them. "When will I see you again?" He sounds so resigned. At that moment, more than anything, I want to tell him that I'll stay with him, live the rest of my days like an ordinary girl. Maybe go to college if they set one up. But I can't. I have so much to make up for, to  _atone_  for. The world is in shambles, and I can put the pieces back together. Maybe I'm not the only one, but I'm certainly the one who could do it the fastest.

"I'm not sure," It's the truth. I can't afford to meet with him again before I reveal myself. I don't doubt that he has someone watching him for any signs of me. More so if Contessa warned the Wardens about my survival.

He just looks down at his uneaten food. It reminds me of how he looked when Mom died. "I… I promise it won't be long. I just can't let too many people know I'm still alive."

"I understand. Just remember. I'll always be there for you," I get up, getting ready to leave, "and Taylor?"

"Yeah, Dad."

"I'm proud of you." I go around the table so I can pull him into a hug of my own.

"Thanks. I'll be back soon ok. I promise," I say, holding back my tears.

"Good luck."

I leave the restaurant with my composure intact. I duck into an alleyway and teleport back to Lisa's apartment, to the second bed.

I don't know how long I laid there on my back, tears trickling out of my eyes. I just feel so emotionally drained by my day. Out of the corner of my eye, I think I catch Lisa checking up on me, but she leaves me alone as I wallow. In what? I don't know.

The sun sets, and I still don't feel the slightest bit of hunger, despite not eating anything I ordered with Dad. I suppose that answers whether I need to eat or not. Another thing to pull me just a bit further away from my humanity. I still have friends and a father, and yet I still feel so alone. I think I'm starting to understand how Zion felt and isn't that crazy. I relate more to the monster that killed an uncountable number of people than I do to my own friends. I wonder what that says about me.

I get out of bed some time in the middle of the night, maybe 2 or 3 a.m. Lisa's already gone to bed, but she's left a note on the coffee table.

'Sandwiches in the fridge. In case you wanted to eat something.'

Not 'in case you're hungry,' so she's figured it out as well, though I suppose it's fairly obvious. Am I overanalyzing this note? Possibly. There's a slight warm feeling in my chest at the thought that Lisa left me some food even though I didn't need to eat. I take one of the sandwiches out of the fridge and pull a chair up to one of the windows. I spread open the curtains and sit down.

I look over The City, as I nibble on the sandwich. The golden paneling on all of the windows breaks through the darkness of the night. It reminds me of another thing I saw. The stars of the night sky? No, something after that. I can't quite remember.

* * *

I watch as slowly, the majority of the lights go out, leaving a few sparse golden beacons in the sea of darkness. Then, as the night passes, a wave of blue slowly lights up the sky. I can see the sun peeking its way of the horizon. Maybe being the God of the Rising Sun isn't so bad. I might even choose to keep my given name, try and live up to the name. Bring hope along with the sunrise.

I'm pulled out my thoughts by the sound of Lisa's shower starting. I wonder how hard it was for Lisa to get an apartment with such a view. I continue watching the sunrise until Lisa steps out of her bedroom, wearing only a t-shirt and panties and looking like she's not quite awake. She goes into the kitchen and comes back shortly after with a cup of coffee.

I turn from my perch by the window, "No breakfast?" I say, raising an eyebrow at her.

She gives me a bleary glance, "There's food in the fridge. You can make your own breakfast."

I just smile at her before going into the kitchen to make both of us something to eat.

Lisa mumbles out a thank you as I place down a plate of toast in front of her. She doesn't make any move to eat it, instead clutching the coffee in her hands as if it's a lifeline. "Any plans for today?"

"I need to talk to my therapist."

Lisa barks out a laugh, "You and me both. How was your night?"

"It was nice, I sat and looked out the window. Thought about yesterday."

Lisa mumbles something about 'unfair,' then speaks up, "I'm pretty sure Dr. Yamada hasn't been snapped by anybody yet. I'd guess that she's set up a practice somewhere, but I can't be sure.

"I'll look into it. What about you?"

"Trying to figure out how far Teacher's spread his influence. Also… mediating between the rest of the Undersiders."

"Did something happen?"

"Yeah, last night when you were," she pauses, " _resting_ , we had the inaugural tablet meeting." She pauses again, but I wait for her to continue rather than saying anything. "Lily suggested we prepare…  _countermeasures_. In case…" she trails off.

"In case I snap and start killing people?" I look down at my half-finished toast. I'm no longer hungry. The rejection hurts more than I care to admit, even though Lily and I were never all that close.

"Aisha and Rachel objected, and Sabah backed her up. I can't have them splintering into factions right now."

"Do you… Is there?"

"I don't think you can help on this. Besides, I'll make sure it works out in the end."

"I don't mind," I say softly.

"Hmm?  **No** , you're our  _teammate_ , not some monster to guard against." Lisa seems to grasp for something to say, "You know we don't see you like that. I don't see you like that." She grabs my upper arms.

"Yeah," I mumble.

" _Taylor._ "

"Yes, I'm- I'm not a monster. Thanks, Lisa."

"Go talk to your therapist, I'm sure she'll be better at this than I am."

I reach for my… power? Powers? Passenger? I'll settle with power for now. I reach for my power and look for a locator power, something that'll help me find Dr. Jessica Yamada.

This time the power I got wasn't sight based. I used it and felt an intrinsic knowledge of where Dr. Yamada was. I stepped out of Lisa's apartment, pulling up all my stranger powers as I walked. She wasn't too far away, in a different apartment building. Maybe she had set up a practice out of it, or maybe she was still getting set up. I don't know. As I stepped inside I worked on the same specific exclusion I had made for my dad. It's a bit more mentally taxing without a visual target, but I manage just using the thinker power that's telling me where Dr. Yamada is.

I walk up to the specific apartment she's in and knock on the door.

"Hello. Who is-" Her eyes fall on me, and they widen as she recognizes me. She looks almost exactly the same as I remember her, with her calm, collected demeanor. "Please, come in."

"Thank you," I say, as I step inside.

"What brings you to my door?"

"I needed to talk to my therapist."

Dr. Yamada nods. "I see, please sit over there, Taylor," she says, pointing to a pair of nice, cushioned chairs opposite to each other. I walk over and sit in one, waiting patiently as she gathers a notepad and a clipboard. "So, what did you wish to speak to me about?"

"After  _he_ \- Zion, died. I think I took over his control of powers."

She just raises one eyebrow, seemingly unfazed by my confession, "And…"

"Powers weren't meant to be controlled by a human. They… changed me, to enable me to handle them. I'm afraid that I'm less human now. That one day I won't be human at all."

"Is that what you are afraid of? Or is it something that will result from that?"

"I guess… I guess I'm afraid that the people close to me, my teammates and my dad will look at me and see a monster and I'm afraid that they'll be right. That losing my humanity will make me into the kind of unfeeling monster that he was." It's just so easy to talk to her. Easier than it was with Lisa, or Rachel, or my Dad.

"And what about those you are not close to?"

"Those people will see me as a monster no matter what I do, because of what I've already done."

"Do you regret it? What you've done to make them afraid of you?"

"I… no. I regret a lot of my life. I've done a lot of things that I would take back if I could, but what I did then, it's not one of them. It had to be done, to save everyone."

She nods, writing something down, "Do come across anything that would give voice to your fears, something that makes you think they might come true?"

"Yes, one of my teammates suggested to the others that they prepare countermeasures against me, in case I become like Zion." I'm actually a bit surprised at how much I'm telling her, but it's not bad. It feels like my chest slowly un-constricting, allowing me to breathe more deeply.

"And what are you doing about it?"

"I… nothing? I'm letting the other members of my team handle it amongst themselves."

She writes that down, "And are there any other fears you have, that could lead from this?"

I hesitate. Do I want to tell her about that? I do, but should I? I'm supposed to stop being so paranoid about everyone. I trust Dr. Yamada, maybe not as much as Lisa or Rachel, but I do. "Back  _then_. I was alone. It was frightening. No, it was terrifying. If my… friends and family reject me, then I'll be alone again. I desperately don't want to be alone."

"What are you doing to prevent that outcome?"

"I'm trying to be  **better**  than I was. Asking for help when I need it and not in such a way that the other person is forced to help me, allowing myself to be vulnerable… Emotionally. I'm not even sure I can be physically vulnerable anymore except against a select few people."

She leans forward in her seat, "Have you considered confiding in your teammates about your fears?"

"If I tell them that I'm afraid of becoming a monster, they'll look at me as though I already have become one."

"Would they, or would they see a young woman doing her best to remain human in the face of inhumanity?"

"I'm not sure," I concede.

"Did you wish to speak about anything else?"

"Dr. Yamada, am I a bad person?"

"I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer that question."

"I've done so many horrible things, and here I am still planning on being a hero. Do I really deserve this second chance I've been given?"

"I"m sure you know about the Amnesty. Everyone gets a second chance, or so they say."

I just give her a flat look, "Do you really think that would apply to me?"

"Perhaps not, but the spirit of the agreement still does. It hardly matters whether you deserve another chance. You've been given one, now it's up to you to make what you will out of it."

"I, well, I don't understand, but I'll think about it."

"You know, I met another young woman with much the same problem as you. Perhaps I could arrange for you to meet?"

"The Fae-"

"Don't call her that." Dr. Yamada interrupts me. "It's dehumanizing. She was inspired by you, you know, to leave her past behind and try and become something new. What were her words? Not quite human, merely parahuman."

"I was planning on getting in touch with her sometime soon, though I have… other methods."

"I see, when you meet her, you should call her by her name, Ciara, rather than the codename she gave herself. I think she would appreciate it."

I nod, standing up from the cushioned chair, "Thank you, for speaking to me, and for your advice."

Dr. Yamada simply looks up at me from her seat, "When can I expect to see you again?"

"I'm not sure, perhaps soon, perhaps not so soon."

"Do let me know in advance next time."

"I will," I said and with that, I vanished, using my teleportation power to take me to an uninhabited Earth. I had a plan for meeting Valkyrie, Ciara, as Dr. Yamada had asked me to call her. I was pretty sure I could ping her passenger in such a way that she would know where I was. I didn't know if she had any sort of team, but I was betting on it not being the case. Since she had picked up Eidolon's passenger, she was officially the world's strongest parahuman, excluding myself of course. I wasn't sure if I was a parahuman, but I couldn't find another acceptable descriptor for myself, so parahuman would stay.

I had picked a suitably dramatic location, the peak of a mountain. There wasn't a blizzard, and it was daytime, so the view of the mountain range was breathtakingly beautiful. I think this was this Earth's equivalent of the Andes. Then, I went about contacting Valkyrie. I drew on my power until I found hers. It didn't take too long, she seemed  _close_  to my own passenger, relatively speaking. Then, I… It's hard to explain. I sent some sort of message to her passenger. I guess the closest equivalent metaphor would be that I beeped at her, but that doesn't encompass the information transferred to her passenger through the contact.

I waited a bit, the sun barely moving in the sky. Then I  _felt_  Doormaker's power activate. I'd been keeping an eye on it while I waited. I turned to see a rectangular cut out of space that seemed to show a rural area, with a woman standing on the other side. Valkyrie looked a lot different from the Faerie Queen. For one, she was taller, almost as tall as I was now, and her hair was in a braid. Her costume was completely different. The gold and blue armor contrasted greatly with the black and green robe that I remembered her wearing. That's nothing compared to the large, feathered wings on her back.

"You're not F-" She stops herself, pausing as she considers her words, "You are not Zion, though I do not know how you wish to be addressed. I doubt you would like Queen Administrator or Khepri." Her voice is just a voice now. It's melodic and smooth, but it's not the fragmented chorus that she once used.

"Taylor, you can call me Taylor, Ciara."

She nods, "Of course, Taylor." She examines me for a moment. "You have taken his spot."

"I have."

"Why have you called me here? I am not threat enough to stop you from doing what you wish."

"I am afraid. Of becoming like him. I didn't expect this to happen, but I'm trying to make the best of it, and yet sometimes I feel so far away from everyone else like I'm something else entirely. I wanted to know if you ever felt that way."

"I do, even now, I feel most at home with those in tune with their," she pauses again, "their passengers. I am trying to be more like a normal human, grow like one, talk like one, but it has been slow going."

"What do you do about it?"

"I redouble my efforts to become more human."

"That's it?"

"The answer need not be complicated. What else is there for me to do?"

"I don't know, I guess I just expected something  _more_."

"The path I walk is as simple as it is long. I doubt I will ever find the end, but you have started much further ahead than I have, Taylor. Even in your darkest moment, you did not let your power control you, wield your body like a puppet. I am confident that you will find the end of that path, should you choose to walk it." The metaphor is getting a little bit confused, but I think I can understand the sentiment.

"Thank you. Do you have somewhere to be?"

"Not at the moment, why?"

I sit down on the rocky snow, and pat the spot next to me, "I want to know, why did you join the Wardens, become as you are now?"

She considers me for a moment, her green eyes narrowing as she examines me. Then she sits next to me. She waits, both of us looking out over the snowy mountains, for me to start the conversation.

"Why did you join the Wardens?"

"It's what you would have done."

"Really?"

"Would you not, in my position?"

"No, I meant 'Is that really the reason?'"

"Yes, when we fought Zion, I witnessed your sacrifice, your single-minded determination to do what was necessary. I would not say I want to replicate that feat, but it was inspiring. You gave all that you were to fight him and you came out victorious. At that moment, I decided that I would try and emulate you, the you that I saw go up against impossible odds and come out victorious."

"I don't know what to say to that."

"Then don't."

"I'm not, I wasn't a good person you know. I did a lot of things that I regret, that I would change if I could."

"So have I."

"What are you going to do, with the Wardens, that is?"

"I'm going to do what I can to bring order to the various Earths, let people live safely as they did before. You?"

"I think I'll do the same."

"The view from up here is beautiful. I hardly get the time to just sightsee these days."

"Busy?"

"You wouldn't believe the number of cases I've had to deal with."

"Oh, like what?"

"There was this one cape on Earth nun who-"

We spent the rest of the day chatting about her various patrols and exploits. It was nostalgic, in a way, of my time in the Wards. Ultimately though, she had to get back to her duties.

I returned to Lisa's apartment as the sun was setting.

"Productive day? I'm glad you had fun. I've got a lead on some places on Earth Mem. I figure we can head out day after tomorrow to check it out. Who's left on your contact list? Just Dinah?"

It's simultaneously annoying to have Lisa answer her own questions and comfortingly familiar.

"Anything with the rest of the Undersiders?"

"I convinced Lily to back down, but I still don't think she trusts you."

"I'm sorry, I'm-"

"Don't apologize for things that aren't your fault."

"But this is my fault."

"How? I suppose you could never have told any of us you were still alive, but I can speak for all of us when I say that we prefer knowing, even if some of us may not like what we know."

"Thanks again, for standing up for me

"What are friends for?" The doorbell to her apartment rings and I tense up. "Chill, it's just pizza. I figured you could use something junky. I know I could."

* * *

Finding Dinah was proving more difficult than expected. Sure, I knew where she was, but I couldn't figure out how to get there, especially because she was underground. Not underneath a building either, just under a road somewhere. I was considering just teleporting down there to go see here since I couldn't figure out where on earth I was supposed to walk to get where she was. That sounds more productive than just wandering the streets of The City. I suppose I could find a power to lead me to her, but this is faster.

I pop in and see Dinah wearing a mask and a business suit, looking like a fifteen-year-old in her father's clothes.

"Weaver!?"

"Dinah?"

She regains her composure almost immediately, "I apologize, but we won't have much time to talk. Before we're interrupted. I just want you to know, I forgive you."

"What?"

At that point, the door behind me opens, or rather, is kicked open. Two men in what looks to be bulletproof vests and riot gear point handguns at Dinah and me.

"Put your hands in the air!"

**End of Arc 1: Apotheosis**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:
> 
> Knock Knock. It's the Plot.
> 
> I will admit that the last chapter was a bit rushed, but this chapter wasn't, so hopefully, this is of a bit higher quality.
> 
> I'm estimating the number of shards based on the number of cells in the human body. I feel like that's roughly comparable even if there's no true way of knowing.
> 
> I'm a little afraid of making it overly emotional, but then I guess that's less bad than under-emotional.
> 
> As to the timeline. It's not quite at the beginning of Ward, but significant time has passed. Enough for The City to get set up, say, but not enough for the Fallen to set up their own recruitment as it was in Ward, or for Breakthrough's therapy to have started. Valkyrie and MM are members of the Wardens but don't have statues of themselves in Wardens HQ yet.
> 
> There's like 5 different places I thought would be good places to end the chapter, but I just wanted to have a bit more.


End file.
